It’s almost unbelievable, the degree to which I become my own undoer. Life has brought me more magic than many, yet these days all seems static as a windless day. Perhaps it is the times we are living in or maybe it’s my own personal evolution. Either way, the past couple of years have presented more than a modicum of confusion and revolving doors.
I have not quite known what to make of this new turn in my life. Perhaps it’s the result of a second Saturn return – that pivotal change in the astrological purview arriving thrice in a long lifetime – life, death, and, perhaps, the pursuit of happiness, all bound into one bouncing ball of confusion. Profound transformation on a massive scale.
The first return brought me my first girl baby – a little stranger I least expected – who changed my life utterly; absolutely, positively. This time around the wheel seems to be gestating something else inside as baffling as the first, though I am yet mystified as to what that might be. Perhaps it’s restitching the fabric of my very being; something to do with my own birth into heretofore unknown realms of possibility. All I know is that a human pregnancy seemed a lot easier, though it is said that subsequent Saturn returns spaced at twenty-eight year intervals in a human life are themselves somehow simpler. Then again due to congealing life patterns, that might not entirely hold true.
Perhaps with all the global change occurring at the same time, much is thrown into confusion. What used to transpire with the snap of my will no longer rivets about in lightning-quick fashion. It’s like I’m wading thigh-deep in honey which is itself in the process of crystallizing. And it slows me down right into the present. Residing in that place of unknowing – remaining as peaceful as possible while wrapped in the precarious here and now as if swaddled in some divine straightjacket – is settling me into my skin in a brand-new way. Just when I think I have mastered serenity – when I’m smug in the knowing of my own mind – I discover its unsettled places; its childish demands that life dance to my own tune. Clearly this is a time to embolden the wisdom and magic of the universe – and I’m open to it – if kicking and spitting just a little.
belas bright ideas 
I hope all is well, I love the image of being slowed right down into the present, imagine if we really could live like cats exactly in the present no planning at all.. take care.. c
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Thanks C, and yes, all is as it should be! Getting better all the time – a lot to do with simply acknowledging what IS rather than what might be goes a long way in invoking sanity! My determination to happiness is indeed alive and well. It is this outlook which is changing my perspective on what IS, and that, as you know, is everything!
Cheers and blessings to you on the farmy 😉
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Oh good then, a great way to be.. c
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It all is confusing, as you probably meant it to be. We know something is amiss, but don’t understand what it could be. I wish you well and hope that the crisis turns out to be nothing as troublesome as you fear. Best wishes.
Ronnie
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Sorry for confusion – it’s all good – just writing down what comes to me this morning when I thought I’d have nothing to post – and what I think many are feeling, these days. It’s my own personal experience of the chaos, that’s all.
Thanks for your thoughtful sentiments, much appreciated.
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Hi Bela,
Lovely post and turn of the phrases.
” Life, death and pursuit of happiness.” What makes these get bound in a ball of confusion? To me this would occur from an inner space of uncertainity. What brings in this uncertainity? When we get tempted to lose our perspective of making a difference from within and start comparing and judging against external goal posts. When that inner voice starts running our affairs.
Look within, into that quiet inner space, Set your intentions for the day there. Then open your eyes and look at the world, You would notice how your perspectives would start getting reframed, one by one.
Cheers and God bless.
Shakti
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Yes, dear one – you have hit that nail squarely on its head! Uncertainty. We are in the most uncertain place we have ever been in, I think, in our lives. And yet what more perfect time for spiritual practice? Which is what we do, day by day, moment by moment. And things are most assuredly looking up – because I cannot write about these things when I’m “in” it – I’m too guarded. The fact that I’m able to speak about it means I’m moving through it to a place of understanding and clarity.
Your idea of “looking at the world” reminds me of a comment I just wrote on another blog, when asked to expand my viewpoint. The world, for me anyway, is Nature. She always has the power to heal with her unchanging beauty and bounty: sacred ground. I love that we always choose to live close to wilderness – and to water – first a lake and now the sea.
Much thanks, Shakti, for your wise words and thoughtful consideration.
Blessings to you!
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