What slips through the cracks of consciousness, only to settle in slumber? Do you awake, freshly inspired? Or troubled and taut, like the frayed anchor rope of a small craft tossed about on a stormy grey sea of insecurity?

Each day begins anew. The sun rises, radiating through a plethora of celestial conditions. But it always ascends the sky, and so far as we know, it always has. Few things are as dependable. People are as changeable as clothing, though they might labor at maintaining a façade. I have lived with the same man for over twenty years, and just the other day remarked that I really didn’t know him at all. I believe this to be true. And it possesses beauty, this discovery. For to know there is more to explore allows me to relax into life; to trust in its changeability; to relish complexity.

Sameness does not only stifle, it leaves me shifting about, wondering when the other shoe will drop. To those who believe that comfort lies in predictability, I would offer that life by its very nature fails the test. It’s almost as if anything I set in place is temporary, from an expectation to physical roots. We live amidst the shifting sands of time, no more obvious than in today’s world. Perhaps in a bargain with the gods I’ve somehow agreed to roll physically with these changes, for wherever I seek solid ground soon glazes over like footprints in sand.

I am getting older but becoming, I hope, more flexible. My mind is freer and my acknowledgement of actuality more complete. I am still open to learning. Unlike my parents’ generation before me, I embrace the unknown for its own sake. Call it the thrill of the chase, but I’m pretty sure it’s simple acceptance. Theories abound – zero point; collapse of civilization; a new age; deconstruction; reconstruction. Whatever it is, Is. And I want to be part of creating whatever comes with my eyes and heart open.

6 thoughts on “Awake

  1. I wake up looking forward to each day. My heart goes out to people who wake up otherwise – I’ve lived with people like that. I used to take my morning walk while they “unfolded”.

    Mom told us she awakened angry. It was hard to understand because we didn’t see her as an angry person. However, she dealt with depression throughout her life which is anger turned inward…

    Beyond my community work, I’m free to decide what I’ll do each day. I “aim” rather than plan. As the day unfolds and things change, it’s easy to roll with it. In fact, a fellow volunteer just called to cancel a date which just means I have more time to read blogs today. And to be with my “nearly feral” cat who has just come in from the rain.

  2. Amy, I agree with your definition of depression.
    Being flexible with the day is wonderful – I consider it a luxury that many do not have. You and I are lucky, no? And I’m betting you’ve worked just as hard as i have to get to this place in life.
    Thanks as always for your thoughts!

  3. Bela,

    As always your words resonate. As one grows older, one definitely becomes happier in view of lower expectations from life. Flexibility, I guess, is a derivative of this.

    The other aspect of Sameness you have spoken of is more intriguing. Sameness relating to what? Our perception of ourselves, our environment, our responses to its changes? I look at it differently. As I get up in the morning , I visualise an intention….. in glorious technicolour as I release a silent prayer of my gratitude. And, hey presto! nothing remains the same. What do you say to that. Would you like to try this?



  4. Shakti, as always, thank you for your care and perception in responding to my words. Thanks for pointing out a certain lack of clarity in my expression – I appreciate it.

    I, too, awaken fresh each day with an openness to the magic of the day. I don’t necessarily visualize an intention; rather it is natural for me that I possess an openness to whatever the gods and nature choose to gift me with as it unfolds. It is also a lesson for me in this life, however – to drop expectations; to ALLOW rather than to control, even in the most innocuous way. That is simply my own personal karma. As a result, I have come to feel as though nothing I could imagine would bring me the bounty I have witnessed so far in this life. Yesterday was a prime example: I set out for an appointment with a banker (of all things!). I stopped for coffee at a small shop, but first slipped into a small stationery store to finish a conversation I was having with a good friend on the phone. I heard music – original music written by an artist friend of mine whom I had not seen in several months – a native Hawaiian man who had undergone open-heart surgery a few months back. I had not seen him since. He is one of those special beings it would be a shame for the world to lose. Anyhow – the music drew me into the cafe, where, sure enough, Kalani and his bandmate Chris and a drummer I’ve not met were singing and playing. What a surprise! I have never seen performers – ever – in this location – and I’ve gone to this same shop at different times on different days for years now. Then three other people I’ve not seen in awhile spontaneously streamed in. I had a smile I couldn’t shake for the rest of the day. Then the banker, of all people! This man turned out to be a beautiful soul inside and out, and we connected heart-to-heart. Once again I had a lovely connection with “three” other employees who used to work at the small branch (now closed) in our community. I left the bank for the health food store. While in line, a woman started a conversation with me – and between joking and laughing about this and that, it turns out she knows a mutual friend who left the island a couple of years ago – and who is, like my husband, a builder. She recommended a valuable website for something we had had in the back of our minds, and on the day continued, one miracle after another!

    If I were a person of routine, I would have gone ‘straight to’ my destination without pause. Fear of the unknown would have doubtless shut out such possibiliies as I witnessed yesterday.

    So I think we are accomplishing the same thing, in our different ways!
    Blessings, Shakti.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s