Iโ€™m accustomed to gazing at stars beyond stars
soaring like dragons across the night sky.
Wrapped in fleece, I steal away,
bare feet padding across dew-soaked grasses,
rolling onto my backside, bathing in moonlight.

Like a faerie dipping into the heart of a flower
to indulge in the nectar renewing her mantle,
I must return to solitude and sanity.

These city ramblings are a Cinderella story,
and if I languish, my shine wears thin.
I fear that all remaining will be shadow,
the ruffled collar of Rat, scuttling into the sewer
with the advent and brilliance of day.

8 thoughts on “Home

  1. Dear Bela,

    That’s a great verse. What truly resonated with me were your closing lines, and I quote:

    “I fear that all remaining will be shadow,
    the ruffled collar of Rat, scuttling into the sewer
    with the advent and brilliance of day.”

    I wonder if it is this intrinsic fear of being ‘left behind’ that makes us increasingly show up in-authentically. Is this also the apprehension that conditions me to always put up a mask behind which I hide my true feelings? If this be so, what needs to be done by me to get past this fear?



    1. Aloha Shakti: I wrote this poem quite literally during a week in a big city attending a workshop in mainland US. A second week is being spent visiting with my beloved daughters, so despite being in cities, this time is precious.

      I am not at all accustomed to the thrum and drive and chaotic din of city life. I need nature to recharge and restore, and though I am able to hold my bright energy for about a week after leaving my garden and the peace of the island, any kind of intensity or adversity begins chipping away at my nerves and I am left feeling scattered and frazzled, even when not visibly so.

      I am your basic introvert, and do best in small groups of intimate friends where I can gracefully bow out when I’ve had enough stimulation. I Need down-time, perhaps more than most as I age especially. And I love human beings – this is not a disdain for humanity that plagues me; this is not a fear such as you described. My problem, if there is one, is my inability to be anything But authentic. Perhaps if I Could, my guard (mask?) would be up to help fortify against my environment. Not even possible, given my personality. I have gone far beyond wishing things were otherwise, and have simply come to better understand my core needs.

      This all being said, to address your query, a feeling of being left behind used to haunt me: I’d have dreams where I couldn’t get back to where I ‘belonged.’ This no longer feels like an issue, though your point is well taken. I remember ‘acting differently’ in such situations and my nerves would cause my behavior to shift around. Now I simply withdraw and attempt to regain ground.

      Thanks, as ever, for your deep, thoughtful questions. It is people like you in the world that cause me to feel quite well received in this life ๐Ÿ˜‰ Namaste, Shakti.


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