Do you ever wish things were other than they are? I sometimes indulge in fantastical ruminating more than I’d like, and should know better. Some days are so fraught with challenges, I must force myself to look outside and acknowledge that the day is simply a day; a sun rises and sets, expanses of field go green and brown in their turn, the celestial-hued ocean bucks and rolls. Fish swim, birds fly.

If I suffer from the delusion that I can force outer circumstances to adapt to my whimsical notion of how they ought to be, it’s clearly a choice. Liberation from the pain of this false knowing is likewise self generated. All my education, age and experience have brought me back to the most facile of conclusions, Tomorrow is another day. (Have I really spent nearly sixty years developing my mental faculties in order to simply return to childhood platitudes?) Yet if my mind keeps gnawing at the same sapid bone, a nighttime’s slumber relaxes the jaw enough that I must at least let it drop for a spell. Upon awakening and the gods willing, I might forget where I left it long enough to garner a bit of perspective.

Thrill is more enviable than defeat, though it is surely the latter which has honed my character, granted me the reserves of strength with which I am presently endowed. Experience enough adversity and one gleans awareness that it will eventually be overcome. After a lifetime of people pleasing and other dubious adventures, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. Now that there is consistency down to my bones, I can resonate back to myself like a finely struck cello. A realization fans out before me like a flashlight slicing its beam through the dark of a country evening; there is rhythm and purpose in these cycles of ups and downs. No matter what the locus on life’s timeline, there is point to counterpoint. The dots simply shift to other maps as I venture along.

I may not ever possess a conclusive answer to the meaning of life, but if there is a holy grail, I suspect it’s something most primary school kids understand: to have fun while learning; to take breaks on the playground; to carve one’s initials into the tree of life.DSCN2911.JPG – Version 2



23 thoughts on “Sapid

  1. You are right Bela.. For most of our lives we have been at others beck and call. And it takes a life time to get comfortable within our own skin.. And I am so pleased you are feeling finely tuned .. And love the mellow sounds of the cello 🙂

    I posted a video to emphasise a point back to Cynthia Sageleaf’s comment on my poem of Gregg Braden.. I listened again to his wisdom.. About how our hearts affect the world..

    Which is why enjoying our own Peace and Calm moments and living in joy in the now of our NOW moments As he explains we have to already think we have peace not keep sending the messages of wanting it to happen for then it appears as lack and will always be in lack

    Living in the Now like a child is to enjoy each moment with no worry of the next.. It’s hard to put into practice.. Which is why I often dwell in the world of my own creation lol.. And at times I wish I did not ‘feel’ so much empathy with those who are suffering within our world.. But I accept this is my makeup…
    I wonder do I do more harm than good by chewing upon this ‘bone’?

    I know deep within my being while I know despite the noises I am making, that the course is set whatever. For Nature and the Universe have their own agendas and each of us are but actors playing out a role as the next cycle comes into its phase of Being..

    Its funny you mentioned the carving of our initials on the tree of Life.. I touch upon that in a future paragraph in remembering my brothers carving on our garden tree when children.. 🙂 on another Elder part..

    I also say while the scars remain, it doesn’t stop the tree from growing.. 🙂 and I hope as a species we eventually Learn to GROW into what we were intended to Become.. I try not to give up on this Humanoid Experiment.. But Nature may well have already made that decision..

    Loved your thoughts Bela.. And the Image just lovely.. As is the calming green of your background to this post..
    Much Love Sue xx

    1. Aloha, dear Sue. I am happy this piece elicited all these reflections for you. And glad that you accept that you simply are the way you are. So important. Equally important, I think, that we realize we are Not in charge – that yes, we are responsible for our choices, but there are much larger forces at work and we do grow weary of throwing ourselves under the same bus. In this way, I welcome menopause as a time when my hormones back off a bit and I’m not nearly as passionate for all the causes of Humanity. Because really, if I were meant to do it alone, I’d not be here with over 7 billion other people(!)

      I love your statement that though the scars remain, it doesn’t stop the tree from growing. Indeed. We didn’t come – to this planet anyway – for a joyride. It’s a place to learn from adversity. At times in the past, I’d be resentful, like I did Not choose this path(!) Now I’m sure I did, for I’ve learned so much about flow and acceptance, among many other things. As Ceanne de Rohan posited years ago in the Right Use of Will books, it’s all God evolving. And while many might not choose to believe it is so (isn’t God All-Knowing?), the work struck a deep chord of resonance within me. It was yet another key aspect of my relaxing into not knowing and being okay with it.

      Sending you deep affection and blessings for a gentle, nourishing rest of your week. Be well. ❤

      1. Yes God is All-Knowing for certain. And each of us I feel chose exactly the right circumstances in which to grow.. Given we may well take a few detours, even these detours were part of our journey.. And I am delighted my travels have led our paths to cross Bela.. You too have a peaceful rest of the week my friend.. ❤

  2. Your recent post was good timing. My daughter was texting me about her awful week (so far, I reminded her it’s only Tuesday) so I forward her a link to your post, hoping that she finds something in there that will help her find some peace and calmness. Thank you!

  3. Love your post Bela. I froze here: “Yet if my mind keeps gnawing at the same sapid bone, a nighttime’s slumber relaxes the jaw enough that I must at least let it drop for a spell.” Lips moving, mind turning, whispering: That’s me without the bone drop. Right there. Aloha Bela.

    1. Glad you enjoyed the post, David. Ah, so you’re not ready to give up that tasty morsel yet? Heh-heh 😉 Well, we do become enamored of our illusions, do we not? That we have some control over … (fill in the blank). The Trickster is ever afoot, but I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Aloha, dear one! Thanks for reading. ❤

  4. Children often understand so much more than we do. I know I feel that life was a very close friend to me as a girl and I was amazed and awed by all things in nature. I long to have that awe back again and to see everything with newness and wonder. The meaning of life didn’t become a question until I was an adult and I have found myself disappointed in many of the answers that have come to me. You have written here what so many adults probably feel but have difficulty voicing. As always a good write.

    1. Well, Renee, I’m pretty sure ‘the meaning of life’ is to live it. But we get so mired in the illusion of what it ‘ought’ to be, what we ‘ought’ to be doing … when, in the end … well, that’s my next post 😉

      Thanks so much for your kind appreciation. Sending you blessings and Aloha ❤

  5. Our desires and wishes keep pushing us all our life and myriads of times I must have wished things didn’t work according to me, forgetting conveniently those, which did work!
    Eventually I have reached that comfort zone, where nothing frustrates…all challenges seem welcome, knowing within that I would make my best effort and leave the rest to fate or God whosoever approaches me first!
    But I wonder how our outlook changes as we go around the circle of life…learning unlimited lessons and gaining liberation with each! If somebody had expressed this viewpoint when I was young and enthusiastic, I would have vainly dismissed it as cynicism! Philosophies of life can only be understood after all kinds of experiences, failures and setbacks. We can never visualize them and accept them to be real.
    Thank you Bela for a very thought-provoking post.

    1. Aloha Balroop, and gosh, yes – if someone had said these things to me when I was younger, I’d have discounted them out of hand. And perhaps that’s as it ‘should’ be – for we are meant to take our own journey, discover that which has doubtless been discovered by many preceding us. But not in quite the same way. And in the minute choices that make up our own path are countless creative and exciting opportunities! Life can be easy and/or difficult, disappointing and/or gratifying, but ultimately simply amazing. At least that’s the view from where I sit 😉 Thanks for taking time to offer your thoughts! 😀

    1. Aloha, Lorrie: When I share like this, it’s done in the hope that others see something of themselves in what I’ve written. I hope it reflects back your own ability to stand in your truth, and I appreciate your kind blessings. Right back atcha! ❤

      1. It’s beautiful, Bela! And yes, I do see it and I am so grateful that this is the place I have been walking towards…it was not always the case!
        I hope there is great beauty in your sight today ♡♡

  6. Sensationally beautiful prose-poetry, Bela — if that’s an appropriate term? You really are an unusually gifted writer/blogger, and seem to be able forge in words even the subtlest of feelings, those that reside most typically at the peripheries of one’s consciousness. Your references to a more simple knowing — e.g. “Tomorrow is another day” — reminded me of something once said to me by a Buddhist monk, and which shifted some blockages in me: “It’s just another experience”. This understanding isn’t to diminish or deny any or all experience, but rather to not allow that it should be occluded by our imagining, or desiring that it could be any other way. Yes, we play our part in life’s events, shifting their outcomes, perhaps; but so much time is spent prior to their occurrence playing into them within our imaginations — projecting desires and aversions into what is as of yet a non-existent. Oddly, when we’re faced with adversity, quite often something contrary to our prior expectations happens, and we become far more capable than we ever imagined ourselves to be. I’ve seen this many times in myself, and in others too. As far as your opening (rhetorical?) question goes, then I only ever seem to wish for things to be another way when dreaming. Even then, I’m not convinced it’s necessarily a wishing, and wonder if sometimes more of a wondering — a sort of ambivalent speculation. I tend not to pay much attention to it, just as with my waking consciousness. Non-verbal awareness is far more interesting, and in allowing the dance of consciousness to gyrate as it will upon it, untouched, but welcome nonetheless. H ❤

    1. Aloha dear Hariod – I was about to email you to see how you were doing – hadn’t seen your comments with/on the usual suspects lately. Maybe my own quick eye, but glad to hear from you, nonetheless.

      Profound thanks for your astute observations as always; “projecting desires and aversions into what is as of yet a non-existent” sums up most of the human condition! I still imagine, but all of this is on another level than in years past. I, too prefer non-verbal awareness, now that I’m not so bent on what I’m supposed to DO with it (ha!). I suppose in some way I’m cruising the boundaries between worlds and won’t be as surprised when I’m no longer possessed of a physical body – but even that understanding might be askew. I’m so fine these days without any need to Know. “Ambivilent speculation” fits to a tee. And although the occasional Trump card certainly may still provoke (groan), in the end I have to settle on the understanding that this, too has purpose – though it might be far from my desire or preferred outcome. Because really who in the world knows? Isn’t life interesting?

      Sending you warm hugs and love from across the miles. ❤

  7. Your post made me think of something I will say from time to time. When things tend to go south, enough to put me in a foul mood.

    “I did not wake up this morning angry, something happened along the way to make me like this!”

    …and when I go to bed, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully with things turning out for the better 🙂

    1. Aloha, Shell: Yes, and we always do have the opportunity to change how we feel toward an event or person, though it surely may not feel that way at the time. I am living proof on that one 😉
      Thanks for taking time to offer your comments. Hope you have an enriching weekend! Be well.

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