For Jim

What is the lens through which we view another?
What color and hue, are they sister or brother?
Do we place them in boxes without really thinking
of sorrows and pleasures, the history winking
from under the furrows, aside from the layers
the total and sum of the person, not player;
To see them as how we would most likely wish
to be thought of, not pent in or judged
on or dished;

The circle is cast and who knows by what hand,
the scheme of our lives is thus simple or grand,
but these too are but fabrication and frail,
and are easily worn thin when piercing the veil
of illusion that obviates once we wax old
and cannot pretend to be cut from the fold
of the cloth that enshrouds each as death
draws us nigh, no longer the tailor or tinker
or spy; but merely a human as everyone is,
with hopes dashed and dreams and
the unfinished biz;

While the living continue the dance, as it were,
now without us to ponder, confront or infer,
and the wise ones among us reflect, as we must,
on a fragile existence wrapped up in a husk.

~ on the death of a dear friend last Saturday

34 thoughts on “For Jim

  1. While there are no boxes for grief and joy, some persons in our life are more closely associated with these emotions. Their separation shatters us, we grieve but life does not stagnate for anyone…it is more like a river, doesn’t even bother to hold our hand…words do assuage our feelings! Beautifully penned Bela.

    1. Yes, it’s different, these recent losses. One was my close/close girlfriend, and I miss her as only a woman friend can be missed. Jim was the longtime husband of one of my oldest friends, yet we spent such quality time together. Losing my parents and brothers was yet another form of grief.

      Thanks for your kind words, Balroop ❤

  2. So sorry Bela of the loss of your friend..

    And your words deeply thinking into the make up of what it is that makes us who we are. To what we become and to what we leave behind in the memories we create. We Mourn and Grieve in our various ways. Mostly we grieve as we miss their presence, they joy, their light, their laughter. Because our lives become that bit more emptier without their vibrancy around us.
    But then you and I both understand so much more as they have completed yet another stage of their own journey and moved on to their next great adventure.

    Then my heart sees their passing in another light.. For then instead of grieving, I give thanks, and almost envy their transition. ( I say almost ) For I have lots more living yet to do..
    And I give thanks for having known their light. that our friendships, relationships, and family members all of us come into their various circles to help each other grow..
    And like the friends and acquaintances whom we all have met along our Earth Journey.. Some we keep as life long friends and soul mates, while others disappear when our energies no longer can learn from each other..

    I am most certain, your friend is well pleased with your words you penned here Bela.. A wonderful tribute to one who made a difference with his presence in your life..

    Love and Blessings my friend..

    1. Sue, what a lovely and well thought out response – thank you so much. Jim’s death was different from my friend Lea’s two years ago. With her, it was like losing part of my own body. With Jim, my heart goes out to his longtime husband Greg, one of my oldest and dearest friends. The two of them got together about the same time Chris and I did, and were just as competent as partners. You know the dance, I’m sure – without thinking, one picks up where the other leaves off. It’s going to be so strange for Greg with that big old farm in the middle of nowhere – though he’s had a job as a newspaper editor for many, many years and that will stand him in good stead, I’m sure. I’m hoping he comes here to resettle after awhile, however, because they talked of moving to Hawaii for many years. We’ll just have to see.

      Much love to you, dear Sue, on this bright and blessed day! ❤

  3. …and maybe that is the treat that life offers while it is there, the gift of senses – to feel, to sense, to imagine, to contemplate, and to ponder over that which is there…and yet not really there…

    1. Exactly, Vidur. We are, after all, given these senses presumably for a reason. Though I still have so many ‘why’ kinds of questions, given the proclivities of most human beings but also their amazing potential. Life is so very interesting!

  4. Sorry to hear about your friend, Bela. The more we think we know about life, the opposite is true. It’s always revealing, unraveling, hiding something; suffocating as well as entertaining. Gives us a reason to live and also infuses insanity into situations. It’s complex, as though there are secrets in a room of righteousness. Love.

    1. So much wisdom in your second sentence, Mahesh. It is said that the older and wiser we become, eventually we end up knowing nothing. This rings so true for me. And so interesting observing the young who know everything! I stand in awe, always. Love back, sweet man. ❤

  5. Dear Bela, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your friend. Actually, I read this last week, and I wasn’t sure what to say that had not already been said in one way or another. But then, I read Sue’s comment before replying, and I realised that all the feelings I felt were encapsulated in her lovely, thoughtful response. And so, I just really want to reiterate that – I didn’t want to seem callous in reminding you that death is very much a part of the journey, but Sue says it so well. I know you know all these things too, but it doesn’t stop the hurt and loss does it? Lots of love and a big hug.

    1. Aww, thanks Marie. I appreciate your sentiments, no matter how expressed. I would not think you callous at all, even if you never responded! You don’t seem the type 😉

      Sending you buckets of love right back. Take good care! ❤

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