Oncoming, Ongoing

I don’t know how I swallowed the myth
that life would ease with age, itself,
the oncoming traffic of debts
and obligations never slows; in fact
it seems sped up as we work at carving
out time away to regain sanity lost
in forgetting that all is illusion;
still, the gift of distance allows us
to recapture tender moments that now seem
luxurious in the face of ongoing fatigue;

Meanwhile the lens of memory narrows
until I can view naught but the carefree,
the careworn falling away into mist,
an idyllic life in the woods on a lake
and the ability to shut the world out
once I turned down that dirt road;
the young mother I was then, growing up
alongside my girls as I watched
them pull away into worlds and circles
of their own, bit by bit, until college
conveyed them to a distant shore
for the remainder, running headlong
into partners and jobs and college debt
as their own pirouettes began turning
in the dance of independent creation;

Now I find my own rhythms in gardens
or creating art, meditation in motion,
an outlet for emotion; still I ponder
escape, a prisoner in Paradise, even
as the fount of gratitude fills
back to overflowing and imagining
a better life anywhere else dissolves,
the image shattering, the tinkling glass
falling in shards around my feet
as I pick up the fragments of my future
to compose them into a mosaic
for visions yet to be apprehended.

26 thoughts on “Oncoming, Ongoing

  1. ‘a prisoner in Paradise’ – So on point. It’s a beautiful piece Bela, capturing the view back down the slide rule, and this –

    ‘I pick up the fragments of my future
    to compose them into a mosaic
    for visions yet to be apprehended.’ – I have no words – so perfect.

    Thank you โค

    – Esme sending love from upon the Cloud x

  2. Wow! What an outstanding poetic comment on life! Some of the expressions pulled me in, too good for words. Yes, hope never wanes despite the myths we have to “swallow” and letting go the dearest parts of our hearts into the arms of others… such aches never subside yet we hold on to the fragments! Loved this poem Bela, one of your best.

    1. Aww, much appreciated, Balroop! It’s interesting too, because I almost did Not publish this one, thinking it was too mundane, blah, everyday. Yet perhaps that was its strength, too. Something most could relate to, and in the end, why I included it on wp.

      Soon we will have our vacation together, and it’s been two years since the last one. Important to allocate that time, fast as the calendar flips its leaves, these days. And being self employed, nobody grants it but us! Anyhow, again, my deep thanks. โค

  3. Beautifully written, Bela. Your words resonated with me. Time is my fickle friend with more years behind than ahead. Aloha, my friend ๐Ÿ˜Š

    1. Aloha Sue, and thanks! It looks like you might have re-designed your site? Which removed you from my reader but kept you as someone I follow. ?!Anyhow, many thanks for your comment, which put us back in touch. Now I’ll have to go back through a post or two of yours and see what you have been up to! Blessings. ๐Ÿ™โค๏ธ

  4. I’ve never stayed one place long, so I’m hoping for a resting place at last. But we do become prisoners of our choices, even if they have turned out well. Always other roads beckon. Always what if. (K)

  5. Argh so much of what you speak of here resonates dear Bela.. May we keep carving out our dreams within this illusion as we re-create our world over.. May we keep adding the pieces of the mosaics piece by piece as we rebuilt the outer from the inner..
    And hopefully our experience of the outer world we can pass on a little knowledge to help our children enjoy more of their own dream-time..
    Love and Blessings dear Bela..
    Beautifully written ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    1. Mahalo, Sue. Yes, indeed my own guidance tells of rebuilding the outside from the inside; more important than ever to anchor in one’s own integrity. Challenging in the days where the mass illusion is so fraught. Not impossible, for sure. ๐Ÿ’•

  6. Along with growing older (which never was no prize) the world has indeed grown more complicated and tedious, what with all the logging in and messaging. So it isn’t just an age thing. It really is a bit harder. As for the idealization at the end of a dirt road….

    1. Haha, yes. The misguided visions of youth … my mother was very much a fantasist (and coincidentally, a great artist), so I came by it naturally. And it might’ve been a generational thing as well, think John Lennon’s line, “you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

      So I have learned, with time and tide, to remain open and visual with a nod toward commonsense functioning in the world as I find it.

      Thanks for sharing. Aloha ๐ŸŒบ

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