Darkness Before the Dawn

Humbled by an ending
which is only the beginning,
I slowly row my boat toward shore,
but find there is no safe harbor,
no spit of earth on which to land,
so I gather up oars again; not time,
not yet;

I know but don’t know thisΒ ephemeral
relationship with the calendar, conflating
ever with the now, and now, and now,
pulsing possibilities inherent
in the fullness of living;

There is a wider vision, copious
in its offering, and it stills me,
remaining silent as all possibilities
converge and congeal, darkness
always preceding the breaking
blue grace of dawn.

all photos of Pololu Valley at daybreak
Β©2020 Bela Johnson

27 thoughts on “Darkness Before the Dawn

  1. That in-between state can be discombobulating for ego mind who need to feel I control. Embrace the moment here and feel grounded in the memories. Know you will feel off balance. It comes with life transitions and transformations. Darkness and dawn … yes πŸ™πŸ’•

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    1. True, Val. Ego certainly wants control. Thanks for your kind comments. I totally appreciate your insight about off-balance during life transitions and transformations.

      And with interdimensional travelers, for lack of a better term, it’s also a bit more. I have been a lifelong visionary, and what is to be already exists in another template I am likewise aware of. I also walk in ‘that’ world. So clock time always confounds me. Has always done so.

      A different example: When I was growing up in the mountains of Southern California, I had recurring nightmares about there being fires everywhere and not being able to get out. Highways were gridlocked. How many years later, and near to the place I lived, there are devastating fires.
      The images I saw online were absolutely chilling, like my dream. Time again confounds.

      So this is more what I was trying to depict in this offering. I’m patient enough with being in the now, yet I’m also somewhere else. So it’s a strange place that ought to be pretty familiar by now, though it still unsettles.

      Peace. Love. πŸ™πŸ’•


    1. All is well, dear Eliza, thank you. I’ve been a bit distant with WordPress lately for good reasons. I’m trying to touch in more often now that we have secured a property back on the mainland. Now we just need to complete the other half, which is selling our beautiful home here so that we might return to that Bigger Island. My next post will be about that move.

      Thanks for your kind concern, and your compliments about the images. The light here is unlike anywhere else. Everywhere we’ve been possesses extraordinary beauty. Looking forward to the next chapter! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•


  2. β€œI’m patient enough with being in the now, yet I’m also somewhere else. So it’s a strange place that ought to be pretty familiar by now, though it still unsettles.”

    ….don’t know why, but that is a very familiar feeling, Bela. Wish you a wonderful transition from one home, to the other. πŸ€—

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We probably won’t. We’ve lived in Hawaii years ago for a couple of years, and now for 15. So many changes. Dead reefs and warming oceans, rising sea levels. Nobody talks about it. But there will be changes, more than we’ve already seen. it’s time. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautifully said Bela… Sometimes we just have to let go of the Oars.. and allow ourselves to drift to the shore we are intended to land upon… Knowing Dawn will break over the horizon no matter how much time and effort we put in..
    Wonderful images dear Bela both within your poem and through your lens..
    Much love dear One.. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, dear Sue. Nice metaphor, yourself! It’s always great to remember that the earth just does what she does. Waves thunder to shore, clouds pass overhead or they do not. Little insects do their work underground. While we, in all of our self importance, think we have some measure of control over it all. Letting go of the oars and letting the current carry us means we allow ourselves to be perpetually surprised by life.

      Hope you’re having a peaceful weekend! πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I particularly like the closing lines. It signifies Life and how it needs to be lived.

    Possibilities open up for us if we practice to inculcate a possibility based mindset. It is again possibilities which show us pathways into the future.

    What is a shore but a past based mind construct.Once we understand this, new possibilities open up


    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, Shakti, I truly appreciate cultural differences with regards to expectations. The way you and I grew up was doubtlessly very different. I was raised by upwardly-mobile American parents in the 50’s. It was a very strange time where there was a lot of entitlement due to middle-class government subsidies, etc. My engineer/architect father took full advantage of them with a family of nine to support.

      When I was sixteen, my parents divorced and my entire life’s trajectory altered dramatically. I was a top student with expectations of Stanford and medical school. These were not so much My expectations; rather those of teachers and parents. And so when they split and left us basically stranded, those goals fell apart and my real life began. It was rough at first, but I soon learned what I did and did not like about the paths life opened up for me. Actual changes came about gradually, as such changes will. I began a deeper journey that continued and will do so for as long as i draw breath. And it has only been in the past few years that I have fully embraced life without a safety net, though in fact life was trying to teach me this right along.

      It is from this understanding and deepening awareness that I write such transitional pieces. The boat to shore has been a mindset for many for so long. Point A to Point B. Done. Or not(!) As you and I both understand. The factor with regards to calendar time has been with me since conscious memory (see comments to Val, above). And the conclusion is one I have embraced, because ultimately as you say, it’s the only way life can be lived fully.

      I am so happy to see your comments, and sorry it’s taken awhile to respond. Working out details of a move such as we are to undertake has been time consuming. But I’m always heartened to hear your take on things. Your wisdom is much appreciated!

      Be well. ❀


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