He’s out in the shop again, the fine
clean scent of western cedar wafting
through my office window, drawing me
out to see what perfect hands are crafting
now from raw;
The straight-grained lines of red, variegated
with a neutral light, white as a crosscut wafer
of eastern pine, carefully- sawn cleats sliced
into freshly band-cleaved matched boards,
comprising the backside of a custom cabinet;
Americans on the whole hesitate to pay craftsmen
for fine work such as this, but rarely (like now)
one gives him artistic liberty and oh, I am loathe
to part with it, knowing such beauty will soon
be taken for granted, preferring to add yet
another flair to our own interior’s design,
knowing (as nature does) how appreciative gazes
cause giddy ripples in the bellies of gods.
The crescent mark left by a garden knife
is slowly mending, unresisting as I cleave
yet another lifted layer of my own skin
from its center until a proper feeling
of softness returns to adjacent banks
of that once-jagged riverbed;
Like one’s own feelings repeatedly
disregarded, trauma inflicted by those
unaware of consequences, of actions
and words cast carelessly about
like roadside refuse, transformation
taken back by my own hands becomes
a thing of beauty, weaving words
into textiles for the fabric
of the soul, spinning veils
of verbiage into mantles fit
for undefended hearts.
There’s an invisible portal
in the mantle covering Earth;
look closely without staring:
focus softly, not sharp, and you
might conjure enough filaments
to pop through, unexpectedly
shifting into another realm
long ago expunged
from collective recall;
Most mortals have crowded
out memories beyond three
generations if that, not nearly
enough to make lucid a time
when indigenous folk and their
predecessors roamed a
wondrous green and blue planet,
gathering food and medicine,
striking camp to ramble because
that is what humans do, plagued
as we are with restless impulses,
compelled to elude perceived
The great Mystery held magic,
little known beyond one’s own
boundaries, where wildness
thrived, was necessary to a world
where life seemed more equally
met between predator and prey,
lacking modern means
Where have we come
in telescopic time, how now
to call ourselves civil, struggles
now stranded in boardrooms
and alleyways, even into ethers
of social media where the enemy
that is our own mind can be
sequestered in shadows
Are we simply stuffing monsters
back under the bed as bequest
to future generations?
Quill pressed to vellum
and the raven liquid bleeds
onto the page, seeping
into parchment as words impress
themselves on minds of those
who seek elucidation;
There is no turning back
save the alchemy of fire,
while a mere century later,
fingers snap plastic keys
as a chosen cypher spins
into centrifuges turning out
multiple languages simultaneously
in a virtual world where assurance
of retrieval is never warranted;
Still we tap away, searing mots
into memories like images
of aging film stars who can never erase
a thirty year-old face from the fantasies
of future generations.
I find myself in the middle of an eye, watching myself in its blank stare. The moment scatters. Motionless, I stay and go: I am a pause. ~ Octavio Paz
I’m riding my bike into town, thinking of how the world looks through my own eyes. My view, my dream, my world. As if these perceptions, when stitched together, assume everyone’s reality; a bit like captured fireflies in a jar or a bottled terrarium.
When “I” die, this unique collection of experiences and expressions that I have creatively embodied dies with me. Like a snowflake, the tapestry I have woven, for better or for worse, can never be duplicated.
If each of us recognized we have that kind of power in the choices we make – could we, would we change the world in any significant way? Would we still get caught up in someone else’s dream because it somehow seems easier? Given that we possess amazing minds, does it really seem simpler not to exercise our own creative powers? Given the nature of dreams, how can it appear less discouraging to support another’s vision to the exclusion of our own? We all struggle at times, bearing ourselves false witness.
Therefore just today, I will pretend that what I do, think and say makes a difference. If I cannot summon the energy to actualize a dearly held dream or desire, I will simply contribute my intention to visualize a harmonious world. I will pray for the alleviation of suffering. I will still the voices of doubt and fear, replacing them with hope and kindness – just for today.
And then tomorrow, which is really just another today, maybe I will once again release the pause button and begin participating in Creation.
Although generally settled in my skin or in the garden, occasionally I discover, quite surprisingly, that I am also skilled at manufacturing worry. I wonder if it’s the challenge of many creative types at this time of life, where we find ourselves at the juncture between that which we have achieved through realizing youthful ideals and the inner call to express something more heartfelt before we die. Ideally this contribution would both benefit a world in need as well as enhancing our own spirits.
It is on this unknown road that I have been traveling now for several years with little tangible result; that is, an end product as measured in the way society gauges such things; in the way that I, myself once assessed them. I’ve always been a person with never-ending ideas, a perpetual flow of possibilities scrolling through a dervish mind.
Over the years I have embraced the practice of waking, walking awareness. The vexation of mindfulness is that, once in awhile, I glimpse myself whirling away, mounting virtual scenarios on the Pinterest board of my mind. The downside is that my body interprets these fantasies as real, and adrenaline surges up through my core, causing yet another uncomfortable hot flash. And though it is annoying, this mercurial thermometer provides a useful key to conscious awareness.
The upside to mindfulness is exactly this: to listen and learn; to observe and ingest; to sift and cast out and finally grow in wisdom, as a result. Some choose doctors and prescriptions. Personally I’d rather un-mask and un-earth the karmic residue that keeps me from arising, phoenix-like, from the ashes of my own ego’s immolation. And the more I surrender, the sharper my vision becomes, metaphorically as well as literally. Like a figure walking toward me through a mirage, that vision begins to take form.
This was so poignant, I cried. Absolutely brilliant. Attitudes and approaches are morphing on a grand scale, and it is heartening to observe these leaps in consciousness. We need hope in this rapidly changing world, in the face of all the greed and corruption and global warming.
Becoming less cynical and bitter about unavoidable changes allows us to move into genuine gratitude. We are all changing and growing; making choices between the cocoon and the open sky; between addictions and subtractions, whether addictions to substances or behaviors or what we perceive as comfort. We’re all doing this in our own way.
But this can’t be forced; it has to be learned from life itself. It must be felt, viscerally experienced, as Amanda Palmer portrays. It HAS to be real.
We can rail at the gods for our lack of support as creative types; loss of profits on our talents due to the freedom of the Internet, for example. If we don’t deny this; if we look honestly at ourselves and our motives in work and in life, we will know something profound about ourselves. Do we feel entitled? Special? Do we compare ourselves to what we perceive as successful others who perhaps seem less deserving? These sentiments only separate us from our goals.
We are living IN the world, not apart from it. And Amanda Palmer gets this. We are living in the Age of Aquarius – a time to honor the collective and stop focusing on “poor little me.” I am only successful in relationship to you; we are all in this together. Such are Aquarian ideals.
No matter what each of us does for work in this life, there is growth and opportunity to learn, if we allow it. If we force it, resent it, bully it even – there is plenty of misery. Karma hits us up and down – and not the bad kind – karma is simply cause and effect. That’s all.
It’s important to be humble. You can see it in this woman. We cannot fake it. We can’t get away with duality and not reap the inevitable consequences of feeling alone and isolated. Our humility must be real. That’s why it works, for her. That’s why it works in the here and now. And it cannot be disingenuous or we find ourselves embarrassed and humiliated: not by others but by our own actions and lack of heart; by the failure to embrace Oneness with our ambitions and goals.
The times, they are a-changin’ and we cannot stop a moving train with our puny little bodies. Time to get on board, and discover our seat; our place in the greater scheme of things. It can be done if we use our creative energies to offer our gifts in new and innovative ways. And if it isn’t easy, it’s because we are still addicted to fighting; to struggle; to opposing What Is.