Turn, Turn, Turn

It’s such a pleasure to witness friends who take advantage of a midlife shakeup and confront their fears in order to implement major lifestyle changes. I’m thinking of one acquaintance whom I have known for almost thirty years; one whose face appears lit from within where once a kind of tightness dwelled.

My own significant wake-up call arrived in my early forties. I don’t know if I would have it in me at almost sixty to shift in quite that way again, though the process, once engaged, is certainly ongoing. For it took not only courage and fortitude, but also a substantial allocation of energy and ambition to begin breaking those rigid life-long patterns.

We don’t know any different until we do. Even then, the challenges we face are astronomical: drop our storyline; stop taking things personally; divest ourselves of unworkable relationships; cease or curtail destructive habits of all sorts, whether physical, emotional or mental; forgive ourselves and others for not meeting expectations; lighten our burdens; establish supportive relationships. It’s always a work in progress.



28 thoughts on “Turn, Turn, Turn

  1. For those who have begun to tread the path you so beautifully and succinctly describe, it is comforting to know that the oft-daunting way is as well-trodden as, paradoxically, it is unique for each of us… thanks for sharing your wisdom. 🙂


    1. Aloha sideswiped:
      I agree – the path IS well trodden, but I wonder at how different it is since my own mother’s day. It is my observation that we are much more aware, collectively anyway, of ‘what is going on’ than her generation ever was (she’s nearly 90). And I rejoice in that awareness. Daily!
      Thanks for visiting!


      1. G’day Bela!
        A work in progress, indeed. I’m learning. And daily, too! And each and every day that I learn is a good day. But ninety… what a grand age and what days to have seen. I do hope your mother is well and ready for more wondrous times ahead.
        Thank you for your visit and for the encouraging comment. Little kindnesses can mean a lot.


  2. Priya, I think it goes on until we die. Perhaps the difference, as we go along, is that we know the terrain a little better and don’t freak out at the unexpected so much anymore. At least that’s been my experience and observation.
    Love to you and your little family.


    1. Aloha Stephanie – long time no see!
      Not sure what you mean by vague, unless it’s that you’ve not yet experienced the kind of shake-up I’m referring to – I believe you’re still younger than many of us old folks 😉
      I hope life is treating you kindly, and that your sense of humor is still keen. I’ll have to see what you’ve been up to!


      1. Happy to see your comments anytime 😉
        You’re a writer, so naturally you’re nosy! Me too – comes with the territory.
        In the blogging world, I’ve discovered less is more. People generally are looking for sound bites. So I try and present bits of intriguing ideas and thoughts, rather than the longer stories I used to tell.
        I appreciate your interest, and one day I might well tell that story – it’s a long one though!


  3. A mutual Maine friend shared your link with me. I started my mid-life shake-up a year or two before her and like her I have learned that it is invigorating to embark on a new soul and life journey. I am reinventing myself and very happy with who I am becoming because I found the strength within to become the person I always wanted to be. It is transformative!


    1. Aloha Phyllis! Happy to have another Mainer commenting on my posts 😉
      And it IS invigorating to embark on a new journey, for sure. If it weren’t, fear would utterly prevent us growing very much in this life!
      For me, it was about honoring my karma along the way, as well – making sure my choices were not directed at others, but instead toward my own liberation. I was always very clear on that, even if the fallout was that others then used me as a scapegoat for their own unfulfilled lives and dreams. That still makes me sad from time to time, but I do know we all make our own choices and I wouldn’t go back and change a thing.
      Best of luck to you on your journey! And blessings …


  4. Love the graphic, Bela. But if I may say…I always look to read more of your posts. Still, the ‘sound bite’ has the advantage of bringing me back for more, I suppose. Happy almost-Spring.


    1. And happy almost Spring to you as well! We feel less extremes on the islands, but still we do feel the seasons shift.

      I appreciate your kind remarks, and from time to time, I probably won’t be able to say what I want to in these ‘bites,’ though it’s good practice to see what I’m able to do with them. Plus, the only constant is change, so I expect I’ll be changing things up eventually 😉


  5. Bela,

    What jumps out at me are your parting words, ” Work in process”. Indeed self actualisation and self knowledge is a WIP for life. Due to this very aspect, the journey becomes the goal. As we have this realisation, as we learn to hold this perspective, we start morphing… in front of our own eyes. As that observer inside keeps track and never ceases to wonder at the changed attitude, thoughts, behaviours we start manifesting. What a wondrous journey indeed. Do we not wish that it should never end?

    As always, loved the post. You made my day.



  6. Shakti, as always, thanks for your thoughtful words.
    And I agree, self reflection – what you term the Observer – can lend such amazing perspective as to where we have been and where we are now in our thinking and in our visceral responses to situations as they occur. You analyzed this process of transformation so beautifully.
    And yes, it is a wondrous thing to behold!
    Blessings to you and yours!


  7. I’m one of those who chose to have that shake-up and I’m so much more happier for that. Chose to live separately after 38 years of marriage, voluntarily retired from a secure Government job, which I could have continued in for another ten years with a promotion and pay hike et all and started doing things that I’d always intended and loved doing. Now there is so much more lightness with all the bitterness and rancour offloaded. For sure, the one factor that holds us back , even as we know that change would be better for us, is fear and uncertainty of what the future would hold for us if we “divest ourselves” as you put it. But it does work out, although the trail thereabouts is initially intimidating. Loved this post. 🙂


    1. Aloha, and happy you dropped by for a read! I am so happy for you that you made these very daunting changes for yourself. We women learn early on to live for others first, and it is refreshing to hear your story and those like it. It frees us up to fill our own well in order to better be of service to humanity, does it not? Tying up so much energy in unworkable relationships doesn’t serve anybody, that I can see. Though we learn best through adversity, knowing when those lessons are learned, I think is key.
      Thanks again for taking time to share your story!


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